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Crazy. or not so Crazy.

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Mar. 15th, 2011 | 09:52 am
mood: awake awake
music: oh yeah, by the way - over the rhine

A recent post by Chels had me thinking. (as if that's strange).

Having a kid is a nerve wracking experience. I mean, I worry about 'becca ALL THE TIME!.

I usually just laugh it off, but when I'm in class, sometimes I get gripped by this horrible panic. What if she's hurt? and my phone for some reason isn't getting signal? Usually, that's solved by taking my phone out of my pocket and checking it. But then the scenario gets even more morbid. Gramma can't call because there was a fire, and EVERYONE died.

Yes, in my brain, the eventual result of any given catastrophe is that everyone dies. And nobody tells me.

It's just strange. I wrote an intro to a short story a long time ago about how the main character muses that he thought that love meant the end of fear. Instead, he realizes that love is all about fear. He's afraid he'll lose her, he's afraid he doesn't say the right things, he's afraid that he won't be there when it counts...he's afraid of a myriad of things all the time!

I don't think I thought it through though, because another thing love does, besides make me a paranoid wreck, is it gives me the courage to face those what ifs.

Still, when Hil has the kidlet out with her, and I call and they don't answer, I still have this horrific scenario run through my head that usually involves a tractor trailer, a freak snow storm and zomg, why won't she answer?

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