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Dec. 18th, 2010 | 03:30 pm
location: home
mood: contemplative contemplative
music: My How You've Grown - 10,000 Maniacs

Has it really been a year since I last wrote anything here?

I suppose it has. Where did the time go?

Oh yes, I remember now. It went the way it always does, into the past.

The first thing I noticed, is that for the first year, in a long time, the 13th came and went, and I didn't even really notice. Blame it on finals, blame it on the kidlet, blame it on whatever you like, but I suppose that just means that time has created a hard enough scab that incidental brushes don't even twinge anymore. Well, maybe a little, they do.

Oh, and yes. I have a kidlet now. She's...a year old? exactly 365 days old, as of today. tomorrow is her official birthday, and I am...amazed at how much she has grown. This little ragamuffin that has completely taken over my life, and become the reason...well...the reason for everything, I suppose.

Isn't that cliche? Isn't that just...overly cliche'd? It is, but they aren't cliches because they're not truths.

I remember once, a conversation I had with Heather, where I posited a situation, where the house was on fire, and you only had time to save one person. Your wife or your child. And at that time, I was so confident of myself....so sure, that the one I would save would be my wife. The one who you had stood up in front of the world to say, "You. I choose you above all others...I choose you." Oh, the hubris of inexperience, right? Because, even though I never stood up in front of anyone to say it, I would choose Rebecca over pretty much anyone else. Well, that's a lie. The truth is, I would choose her well being, her health, her happiness over anyone else's. So, there you go, Heather. I admit it. I was wrong.

A year old. really? It does seem just like yesterday that she came home, this small bundle of cloth and squirming flesh. I could hold her in the crook of my arm, and not have any part of her stick out. Now, she walks, she talks, she pats my face, she...she's a person. A person. And that amazes me. It will amaze me until the day I close my eyes for the last time, that I helped make this person, who will have her own dreams, her own hopes, her own...life. And maybe, on some level, I understand that it's mostly biological, the feelings for her are driven by chemicals and neurons and hormones, but that's all...science. It happens, it works, and I am amazed. Because on my day to day functional level, I just know that when she cries, I get anxious. When she smiles, when she laughs, I laugh with her. When she wants something, I do my best to figure out what it is. In short, I'm a dad.

Me. A dad. hah.

But, more updates to come, more thoughts on my year...a Year in Review, if you will. Because, it has been...quite a year.

Aishiteru.

-me.
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Comments {4}

chezalee

From: chezalee
Date: Dec. 18th, 2010 09:57 pm (UTC)
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Grant and I have had the same discussion. Before kids we would have saved each other. Now? No question - Caius comes first. And honestly, I would run through fire for him even if there was a likely chance I wouldn't make it. I would rather die myself than survive without my child.

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Hyacinth Girl

From: eustacia_vye28
Date: Dec. 19th, 2010 03:59 am (UTC)
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Long time no see!

*glomp*

Glad to hear you're doing well! Kidlets do really change everything, and it's amazing how they can do that without trying. :) Congrats on fatherhood!

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zomg.

There once was a boy who loved to fly...

From: shinju
Date: Dec. 20th, 2010 12:48 am (UTC)
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It's true. Really. If you'd like to see photos of her, I have them up on my facebook. Here's the link to her year in review. 13 of my favorite pictures of her:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=53205&id=100000139563448&l=9849e860ba

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Re: zomg.

Hyacinth Girl

From: eustacia_vye28
Date: Dec. 20th, 2010 01:45 am (UTC)
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She is adorable! I have tons of pics of Maddy on my LJ and on Facebook (I did a friends request).

My favorite has got to be the one where she's sitting next to the turkey. It looks almost as big as she is. :D

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